Of My Own Accord
by Aris1013
Summary: There is another reason why Stiles is acting so weird. [Set after the two part Season 5 pilot].


" _You smell terrible."_

High anxiety.

Irritability.

Insomnia.

These were all things Stiles had experienced before, except this time he had brought it on himself. After his possession, Stiles had trouble dealing with…well everything. He was paranoid, depressed, and guilt ridden. These side effects got Stiles a plethora of new medication to add to his bathroom cabinet. Anti-anxiety, anti-depressants, and the occasional sleeping pill which he only took when his father made him; he hated them because he felt stuck.

On top of his Adderall the meds helped. Junior year was tough with Kate back, but after she disappeared and the berserkers were gone, life was good. The gang had a great summer. There were no threats to their lives, no drama, just a nice normal, laid back summer. Well, as normal as life can get with werewolves and other creatures of the night. Most of the summer was spent training Liam and Malia. They were still having some trouble on full moons.

With summer going so well Stiles decided he wanted to start off senior year as normal and happy as possible. Two weeks before school started he opened his medicine cabinet and stared at the multiple yellow bottles lined in a row. He grabbed his Adderall, because he could barely focus with it, but then shut the cabinet. He looked at himself in the mirror for a few minutes. Was he ready? Stiles needed to be, relying on his meds had gone on long enough. He needed to forget what happened to him and move. Stiles needed to go back to how he was before his sacrifice. He needed things to be right again.

All Stiles wanted was the perfect senior year. He wanted to plan out the rest of his and his friends' lives so they would always be together. Stiles didn't want to leave Scott or Malia. He didn't want to leave Lydia or Kira. After everything they had been through, Stiles could not imagine his life without them. Stiles could not picture what he would do if he lost his best friend, his brother. If anything bad ever happened to him or any of them while one was not around, he was not sure he could handle it. After his dad told him he had not spoken to his High School friends since graduation staying together became an obsession.

They had not even reached the end of Summer when everything began to fall apart. New threats were popping up all over and the scales were tipping, threatening to overflow. It started with his jeep. His consistence. The one thing that was always there to get him through the tough times. His jeep was falling apart like the threads around him. As soon as Theo jumped into the picture all Stiles could do was try to keep his friends together. This guy was trouble, Stiles knew it. He was always right about people, but they never believed him. Then there was his dad. His dad was moving on, changing. With his wedding ring gone, it said he was ready for change. Stiles didn't like change.

His suspicions of Theo were growing, and the withdrawal was at its peak. Stiles felt more anxious and paranoid. He was snapping more than he meant to, constantly yelling at Scott for being so trusting. He could not remember the last time he really slept. By trying to get better, Stiles was actually pushing everyone he cared about away. His anger towards Scott was growing and his paranoia was annoying Malia to the point that she came into his window less and less.

All Stiles wanted was his family. Normalcy. He wanted things to be good again. He knew he could not tell him he dropped his meds. They would make him go back on them. Stiles would become reliant again. Usually Stiles told his friends everything, but this time he was hoping they would not find out until he was better. This year was proving harder and harder though. Stiles just wanted his life back, he just wanted to forget about his past and get ready for the future. No matter what happened, Stiles would fight for his friends because that's what he did. Everything was going to work out, it had to. Stiles needed it to, because if he lost the ones he cared about, he was not sure if he could keep going. He was not sure if he could live.

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 **AN: Thanks so much for reading! This was just a little one-shot I thought of after watching the season 5 pilot!**


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